We all want our children to be confident and strong, and we work hard to cultivate these qualities in them. However, as we do so, we must ensure we’re not inadvertently encouraging rudeness or the desire to dominate others. The line between a strong child and a child who bullies their weaker or more vulnerable peers can be thin and easily crossed.
What Can We as Parents Do? Can We Make This Line Clearer and More Noticeable?
Yes, we can, if we model the right behaviors since we are our children’s first and most important teachers.
Yes, if we build a strong emotional connection with our children and pay attention to their emotional needs.
Yes, if we foster empathy, compassion, and understanding in them, and teach them kindness, mercy, and forgiveness.
Raising a child who is strong and confident, but not overly aggressive in their assertiveness or domineering over others, requires great care, love, and many purposeful efforts from us as parents.
Every parent has moments when they assert dominance over their children to maintain authority and uphold their role as the “rule-maker.” But sometimes, in trying to achieve this, we give our children the impression that if they don’t impose their beliefs and positions at all costs and through dominance, they’re weak. Children learn from us and transfer this behavior to interactions with their friends and peers. They may even start “imposing” their own beliefs and views on others who may not share them.
This is why it’s crucial to teach them empathy.
…because, ultimately, it all comes down to emotions and feelings. We need to teach our children that words can hurt as much as fists, especially if they’re constantly asserting how right, confident, and amazing they are. Yes, we as parents want our children to perceive themselves this way, but not at the expense of someone else who may not feel the same.
The ideal approach is to raise a strong and determined child who also feels compassion and empathy for others.
How Can We Achieve This?
One effective way to guide them in this direction is by demonstrating, through our own relationships with them, how these qualities coexist.
When our children feel secure with us, they don’t feel the need to compete with others or always come out on top to assert themselves. To help them understand that they’ve already “won” by being secure in who they are, we, as parents, must respond to their needs with great sensitivity and respect. When we notice their insecurities or struggles (even if they seem minor to us), we need to show them we recognize their efforts in handling something challenging. They can then carry this feeling into situations with others when they’re away from us. This transfer will be “authentic confidence,” not the artificial self-assurance created by constantly repeating, “You can! You got this! You can do it!”
If we want our children to be strong and confident, we must show them what that means. It means crying when something hurts us and verbalizing those feelings to move through them. It also means not being afraid to express real feelings of anger and disappointment, receiving love and understanding in return (which children get from their parents). It means applying discipline, not by slapping or punishing them, but by teaching them appropriate behavior for the situation and helping them learn to respond better next time.
Now Consider This
If your child doesn’t receive any mercy, tolerance, or forgiveness from you when they’ve done something wrong, how will they react if they find themselves in a similar situation with their peers? However, if you show forgiveness for your child’s mistakes, this will allow them to treat others similarly. Some people might see this as a “weakness,” but in reality, it’s the best way to raise a strong, emotionally resilient child.
Children also learn from us how to approach work, responsibilities, and commitments. When they see how we, as parents, react to fulfilling a duty we may not particularly enjoy, we’re setting an example for them in similar situations.
However, it’s important to teach our children not only the value of working responsibly and seriously but also the importance of taking time for themselves and having fun. If we, as parents, set an example solely by showing a serious approach to work and responsibilities, there’s a risk our children may become overly devoted to their careers later, potentially at great personal cost. In this case, they could become “bad bosses” who push others to work excessively and relentlessly, forgetting that we work to live, not live to work. So, let’s show our children that responsible attitudes toward work should be balanced with rest and enjoyment. Strong individuals understand the importance of this balance.
And Finally
…we must teach our children that strength and confidence aren’t only measured physically but also emotionally. When we show strength while demonstrating compassion, we’re teaching our children that true strength combines love and care, not violence, demands, and imposing our will on others.
Because this is what sets a clear boundary between a strong, self-assured person and a bully who seeks not only to stand out but also to dominate and control others.
*This post is based on Lori Ennis’s article “The Fine Line Between A Strong Child And A Bully”
You may also like: Essential Newborn Health Tips Every New Parent Should Know